I have a sickness

I am not trying to be cute or exaggerating when I say I honestly think I have some mental illness when it comes to sugar/dessert. It probably has always been like that, but I am noticing it more lately with the holidays and trying to maintain this weight loss. If I am around dessert I CAN NOT STOP EATING. I swear, it is like some obsessive compulsive order- I don't lock and unlock the door five times, but I have to have just one more bite, one more cookie, one more lick. It is maddening.

Finally on Friday when I was making cookies and I had already licked myself sick on icing, I put some gum in my mouth as was suggested a while ago. It worked for a while, but eventually, I got an especially delicious glob of white chocolate on my finger and took that gum right out of my mouth, licked it off, and stuck the gum right back in. (disclaimer- I do wash my hands, etc after these tastes, so don't think you are getting all my germs if you are so lucky to receive baked goods this year!)

And just now, I innocently went past the break room and happened to peek in to see a Christmas tin sitting out. Some delicious chocolate cookies and caramel bark were in it. So I take one cookie and one piece of bark and walk out. But shoot, I forgot that I will need my water now that I was eating something, so I went back into the fridge to get my water and had to get another cookie. A physical need for another cookie. It's a sickness, I know it is, and it is making me even more desperate b.c I don't want to undo all the positive steps since May. I'm enjoying the season, but I am ready for Christmas and New Years to just be over already b/c it's just so hard :(

Not sure what I am looking for with this post, but there is the whole ugly truth!